


Moving Forward, Looking Back

by Transdodds



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, brief mention of suicidal thoughts, implied emotional abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 09:52:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15794097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Transdodds/pseuds/Transdodds
Summary: Sonny and Peter share a connection, a ghost from their past. When that ghost returns  the new life they're trying to build for themselves in the present is seen in a new light.





	Moving Forward, Looking Back

Peter wasn’t sure exactly what he was expecting as he was pulled into Sonny’s apartment one evening. Some files definitely, spread about due to both how hard working yet also how disorganised Sonny was. A large kitchen, actually strike that, on a Detectives salary in Manhattan it was much more likely to just be a functional, well used one. Lots of pictures of family.

All of those assumptions were correct. However there was one thing in the apartment that caught Peter completely off guard. Out of all the things he had pictured seeing, a photo of his first boyfriend, his arm slung around his- around the guy he was currently seeing, both of them smiling wide, was not one of them. Sonny caught him staring and let out a slightly nervous chuckle.

“Right, sorry, a picture of the old boyfriend is probably not what you were hoping to see. I just don’t have a lot to remember him by.”

“I never saw Mike smile like that, not really” Peter said, a touch of wistfulness in his voice, it only fully hitting him now that he never would. Back when he got the news he was still in Chicago, with the vague knowledge that Mike was in New York and still firmly under the control of his father. Mike had always been the cliched one who got away, his first boyfriend who he’d ended on good terms with. After all both of them were sure from the start that it was going to end. It was the sort of knowledge one held going into a relationship that young, that and the fact their fathers would have certain things to say on the matter made sure it was short lived. So, Peter went to Chicago to play baseball and Mike was flung to far off corners of the globe. But there was always a slight hope that one day they might meet again, a distant one, but persistent, so persistent that it didn’t really fade until now.

“You knew Mike?”

“When we were both much younger. Our fathers inhabited similar social circles and as we were groomed to succeed their places in society we were pushed into those circles as well. I think the first time I saw him we were seven, all i really remember was how scratchy the collar of my suit was, and encouraging him to play a game of tag with me.”

“He never really told me about his childhood, thought it’s understandable. It is nice to imagine Mike younger, maybe with less of a feeling that the world was on his shoulders” Sonny said smiling.

It was definitely understandable why Mike didn’t speak much about his childhood. Peter remembered how Mike had transformed from an energetic, giggling child to straight backed and silent the second his father had walked in on them racing around. Recalled how it had been much, much harder to convince Mike to play tag with him, so much so that he had eventually relented and they just talked instead, playing twenty questions.

Still, he had only been a kid then, it had taken a while to put two and two together. Even then it was only when they were teenagers that Peter gained any real sense of what happened in the Dodds house.

Peter could remember the scene vividly. They were sitting in the garden of Peter's house as muted Christmas carols and chatter could be heard behind them, the Stone Christmas Drinks party in full swing. They sat in the grass, not really caring about the possible stains they could be getting on their suits and took swigs out of a bottle of wine Peter had grabbed in a fit of teenage rebellion. Matt normally joined them and when Peter asked where he was it was like floodgates opened and it all came pouring out. Everything about how Mike tried to keep Matt out of trouble, or take some of the flack himself at school, how he warned Matt to keep his head down and just get through school, get out of the house and it would be better. But Matt wouldn't listen and from tiny rebellions against authority that constantly landed him in detention to being caught buying directly outside school premises he was expelled. Peter gathered that due to the fact it was a first offence and his dad stepped in he would be fine, legally. Whether he would be fine at home was skirted around, but from the worried expression on Mikes face and the fact that Matt tried to run away for the first time a week later Peter assumed he was not.

That was also the night Peter had kissed Mike for the first time. Mike had stopped talking, about how he should've been better, how Matt should've been better, about how he was worried now his dad was focusing all his attention on him, worried about failing and then he had just stopped. Like he'd realised he was finally saying all this out loud. He had looked so panicked, so distraught and Peter had just wanted to stop him looking so small, so empty inside. And while he had been battling wanting to kiss boys, one boy in particular since he was fifteen, the wine making him feel loose inside allowed him to do what he feared. The kiss itself wasn’t great, no sparks or fireworks, it was instead quick and clumsy and all he could taste was wine, but at the same time so perfect because when he pulled away, Mike, instead of running, instead of hitting him or shouting at him, tentatively leaned back in.

“Yeah, he was a good kid, although I don’t think there was ever a time he didn’t feel he had the world on his shoulders, or at least his father's legacy, and a great deal of responsibility to uphold it, which I think to him was the same thing. But anyway, you told me you made a mean tomato and garlic sauce?” Peter said, shaking himself from the memories and not so smoothly changing the conversation onto something lighter, something in the present. Tonight, tonight he for once didn’t want to think about the many ghosts that surrounded him. He wanted to feel alive, to be alive with Sonny.

And so the conversation ended there and while Peter still thought about Mike every time he saw that picture in the living room, he continued trying to live his life pointed towards the future instead of constantly trying to look back.

* * *

 That all changed one evening a few months later, and a few days after Peter had officially moved into Sonny’s apartment. He still had his father's house, but living there… there were just too many ghosts, of his father, of his sister and of Mike. So it was almost ironic that as soon as he was out of his haunted house he was approached by one of his ghosts.

Peter assumed the knock on the door meant the Indian food they had ordered had arrived, so he’d pulled on a shirt before dashing to the door as Sonny still lay in bed. As he opened the door and saw an all too familiar face, both from the picture and from his past, the change he held in his hand clattered to the floor as his hand went limp and his stomach churned. There in the doorway, more tired than he had ever seen him, which was saying something, and with his hair grown out down to his shoulders and a beard to match was Mike Dodds.

It was neither Mike nor Peter but instead Sonny who spoke first, calling out to Peter to ask if everything was okay, obviously having heard the sound of coins clattering to the floor. The familiar staten island accent seemed to shake both men out of their shock, Mike speaking first.

“Peter, I haven’t seen you in ages. And you’re, you’re with Sonny. Right, I- well I should be off.” Mike stuttered out, his hand clenching and unclenching around the strap of the duffle bag slung over his shoulder. As he turned to leave Peter reached out grabbing his wrist, immediately releasing when he felt more than saw Mike flinch and tense up.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you." Peter said, turning his hands palm up as a sign of peace "But you can’t just walk back out of my li- out of Sonny’s life.”

“It’s not like that, I’m officially coming back tomorrow, then he’ll get a proper explanation, everyone will. I wanted to- I was going to see him first but he seems fine so, well I don’t want to disrupt your evening-”

“You really think that’s what he deserves, to be fooled like everyone else, to be told the truth the same as everyone else. As if there was nothing special between you two, as if your time together meant nothing” Peter was talking about Sonny, but he knew that Mike knew he was talking partly about himself as well.

“Well you guys have seemed to have done quite well for yourself, so maybe it wasn’t as special as everyone thought it was. Anyway, I’m going to be off, I will see you all tomorrow”

“Mike” Sonny said from the doorway to the bedroom, stopping him from leaving for the second time. “You- you died. I buried you. Did you know that I carried your body into the ground. I mourned for you, there were days where I considered picking up my gun and ending it all, because then I thought I would be with you, because I was supposed to die in that house, not you, I volunteered. Did you even care what you put me through? Did you even bother to think about it?” His voice cracking slightly and his volume rising so he was almost shouting by end. 

“I did, and the pain I must have caused you haunted me throughout my mission and still haunts me and I am so so sorry.” 

“Maybe we should all sit down, continue this conversation inside. Then Mike can properly give you the explanation you deserve” Peter butted in, wanting to break some of the tension in the room. Sonny just nodded curtly and Mike entered perching on the edge of a kitchen chair.

“I want you to know it wasn’t planned, that I didn’t know what was going to happen when I entered the Munson house. Please, believe me when I say they came into my room, said I had the unique opportunity to disappear-”

“And you had the opportunity to play the hero like you always want to do.” Sonny muttered.

“No, I… well, yes okay I admit that being the one who would help save all the lives at stake, it felt good. I wanted to be able to do something, to show everyone I am good enough”

“You already were good enough, to me, you were.”

Mike paused, his face crumpling slightly as he looked like he was fighting back tears, and almost as quickly as he let his guard down it was back up, and with a shaky breath Mike continued trying to explain himself.

“I know now that I shouldn’t have been thinking just of myself, that I should have considered that someone else cared... I feel I’ve taken up enough of your time, so I’m going to say goodbye. You will get the official briefing tomorrow if you have any questions.”

Mike stood up to leave, his back almost impossibly straight and Peter wanted to say something, anything to get him to stay. He recognised the overly formal and formulaic way Mike was talking as something he did when he was younger and got nervous, how he would instinctively copy his father. But he also knew that the decision to let Mike stay fell squarely to Sonny, no matter how scared Peter was of what Mike might do when he left.

He heard Sonny sigh from behind him before speaking.

“Where are you staying? I doubt dead men still have apartments”

“Joint-Terrorism got me a room for tonight, just before we tell anyone. And then I guess I’ll be staying back with my father until I get everything sorted.’

“Stay with us. We all know you staying at your father's house is not an option. And while I doubt I can even begin to imagine what you’ve gone through, I know enough about UC ops to know that staying at a motel or wherever they’ve shunted you is not an option either. Trust me when I say that the sofa here is definitely better than anything else.”

“I agree, it is just our sofa, but familiarity might help” Peter chimed in, wanting to reassure both Sonny and Mike that he felt no resentment towards the situation, that instead this is what he had wanted to happen.

* * *

 

Peter awoke in the middle of the night to Sonny slipping out of bed, and the sound of sobbing coming from the next room.

“He must be having a nightmare, look I’m really sorry but I have to help him.”

It took Peter a few more seconds to really orientate himself and get his sleep deprived brain to start processing what was happening, and by then Sonny had already moved into the living room. Peter followed to see Sonny cradling Mike in his arms, his hand gently stroking the other man's heaving back. Peter approached slowly, not wanting to startle either of them, perching on the arm of the sofa and starting to hum. It was something he had done back when they were kids, especially at stuffy parties where it was almost impossible for them to sneak away and for Peter to properly calm Mike down when he got nervous. The melody came from something that a nanny of his used to sing to him when he was younger himself and couldn’t sleep and he knew it was helpful for Mike to have something to grasp onto. A tether to pull him away from whatever thoughts plagued him. Slowly Mike relaxed into Sonny, who gently laid him back down on the sofa, his hand still stroking through brown hair, as Peter and Sonny were left alone in the dark, both equally unwilling to tear themselves away from Mikes sleeping form.

It was Peter who first broke the silence stretching out between them.

“We can’t let him leave tomorrow, can we?”

“No”

“He still needs us”

“Yes”

“Are you okay with that?”

A pause

“Do you still love him”

A longer pause, and then, a question “Do you?”

“I did. I don't think I still do, it's been so long, but some of those feelings… Well a love like that doesn't completely fade. So, do you still love him?”

“I… I don't even know if I know him anymore, undercover ops like that and for two years, they can change people and never for the better. But I want you to know I love you, nothing will change that. And that this was not how I saw the first time telling you to go”

“I love you too, and this is still nice. I mean I would have preferred candles and a nice meal between us instead of a shared ex but still…” Peter joked, earning a slight chuckle from Sonny.

“So what now?”

“Now we try to sleep for the next, ugh two hours before we have to get up again and we try to help Mike return to us. Everything else, I guess we just have to wait and see.”

* * *

Despite the huge open ended nature of that statement, the actual reality of it was far more mundane than Peter could have expected. While Mike had put up a token protest about staying with them, saying he didn’t want to be a bother, that he could easily stay with his father, they could both tell how relieved he was to be allowed to stay. Both Peter and Sonny got stuck late at work often, meaning they had no idea of what Mike was really doing alone in their apartment for days on end. He also seemed to instinctively know what time they would stumble through the door, almost always out on a jog, or feigning sleep on the couch. In fact, the most they really saw of Mike was in the early hours of most mornings, as they would sit calming him down from yet another nightmare.

It was a week into this odd arrangement before Sonny really talked to Mike. He was home early for once, due to the fact Barba was in a nice mood and therefore briefing him for trial was mercifully quick. As soon as he opened the door he was met by the stench of disinfectant, which immediately set him on edge, as did the sight of Mike head bent down, scrubbing diligently at the kitchen counters. To anyone else it could seem ordinary enough, simply a guest not wanting to be too much of a burden, or someone trying desperately to pass the time. But Sonny, Sonny knew Mike, he knew Mike’s need for perfection, drilled into him by his father, and he knew that this intense need to keep everything clean was an ominous sign. Sonny walked up to Mike, making sure the other man could see his hand before he gently placed it over Mike’s, stopping the furious motion of the sponge.

“Hey, Mike, it’s okay, I’m here, you’re safe” Sonny started to say, continuing the stream of reassurances as Mike slowly collapsed into him, hiding his face in Sonny’s chest as he was guided towards the couch. They sat like that for five minutes maybe longer, Mike curled into Sonny, one of Sonny’s hands gently stroking his hair while the other curled around his back, pulling him close, making him feel safe before Sonny asked what was wrong.

“He, uh he found me, found out the number on my phone, sent me a text saying he was coming to see me. I have, I have to make it neater, he can’t see it messy, I’m already gonna be in trouble for not talking to him, I have, I have to make it better” Mike said, getting restless and trying to get up off the sofa.

“Hey, woah, your father is coming here, is that it? It’s gonna be okay, do you, do you remember when you first moved in here a few years ago, and I said that I would never, never let him get to you, that I would never let him hurt you. I meant that then, I mean it now.”

“How can you be sure, Sonny? He’s always going to be able to track me down, I didn’t even tell him I was alive, I’ve had zero contact with him and he still found out that I’m here staying with you. How can you possibly keep me safe?”

“Look, tomorrow I’ll get the locks changed, and then we’ll get you a new sim card. He might be able to find you, but we won’t make it easy, and even then, I swear he will never get to you, not while I’m there. Not while Peter is here either.”

When Mike’s breathing returned to normal Sonny removed one of his arms from around him, reaching for the TV remote, flipping through channels until he found a cooking show. Something low stakes yet interesting enough to hold Mike's attention. As they sat, curled up together and watching  someone explain the perfect way to make a creme brûlée, Sonny couldn’t help but think about how little and yet how much had changed since the last time they had sat like this. Sonny had Peter now, for one thing, with the man in question opening the door to find them like that. Sonny was about to explain to Peter what had happened quietly, just so they were on the same page, but Peter almost immediately walked past them and into the bedroom. Sonny was puzzled, even on a busy day or one where he was rattled he always kissed hello to Sonny when he saw him. But then Peter came back out, holding one of the sweatshirts he wore when going to the gym and on the few occasions he could lounge around at home.

Peter kneeled crouched down where Mike was, telling him softly that while it wasn’t the same hoodie from their childhood, Mike might want to wear it anyways. The smile Mike gave in response wasn’t wide, but it definitely was heartfelt. Peter had noticed something was wrong with Mike as soon as he entered, from the way he made himself small and allowed Sonny to actually give him some of the physical contact he craved. He immediately knew what to do, acting almost on muscle memory from the all the times he had comforted Mike late at night, cuddling him up in his hoodie and letting him feel the safety and protection Peter wasn’t sure he could actually provide. Except now, and with Sonny at his side, he hoped he might not fail Mike this time, and he knew that this time he wasn’t going to leave him all alone with no one looking out for him while he moved across the country.

The next day, with Sonny's help, he worked to keep to his personal promise that this time he would do more. They spent the entire day changing the locks on the door as Mike watched and getting a new sim card for him, which only Peter, Sonny and with Mike’s permission, Olivia knew the number to. The rest of the day was spent with the three of them curled up, Mike in the middle, starved for any kind of physical comfort even if he was loathe to actually ask for it, and watching muffins rise on TV.

After that day Mike fell into a different routine, one that made both Sonny and Peter hopeful, that despite the fact nightmares continued to plague him, he was out of the woods in terms of coming in from his mission. Instead of being greeted by a dark or empty apartment they were almost always greeted by Mike in the kitchen. He was slowly working up from smaller things, pasta and sauce from a bottle, frozen pizza, stir fry to roast chicken and on one occasion where they could smell the spices as soon as they reached their floor, a lamb curry.

One night as they were digging in to grilled salmon Sonny breached the question of why Mike was channelling all his energies into cooking, not that he didn’t appreciate it, quite the opposite. Mike paused for a while before he answered, not like he didn’t want to answer the question, more that he was just trying to gather his thoughts into eloquent speech. Sonny supposed it was also because he was scared of giving too much away. Mike was a man of several layers and Sonny treasured the trust Mike gave him whenever he peeled one away.

“It fills the time, and it’s nice, simple really. The instructions on what I need to do are there and I just follow them and something perfect happens at the end, there’s a certain comfort in that. In following orders, following a plan, I guess”

After dinner they moved to the sofa, as was their new routine, flipping through the channels until they found something they could all agree to watch. It was as they were cuddled together, Sonny’s head on Peter’s lap and his legs slung over one arm of the sofa and with Mike curled up against the other, that is until Peter opened up his arm for him to cuddle up close, that Mike spoke as a commercial played.

“You know how I was talking about how it’s nice to have a plan earlier?” He started, his eyes fixed on the screen as someone talked, well shouted, about the amazing abilities of some gadget. “Well I think I’ve discovered my new plan for what I want to do, I think I want to go back to being a bartender, work my way up to owning my own little place one day, do food as well”

“That’s great!!” Sonny exclaimed at the same time Peter asked, “You were a bartender?”

“A tiny stretch when I came back from my tour and before my dad pushed me into the force. Some dive bar I knew he wouldn’t enter, it was good for a while. He found me, of course he did, but this time he won’t, right?”

“This time, if he does, we will be here at your side” was all Peter said. The truth was even now he was still worried about Mike’s father, but he meant what he had promised a month ago, he wouldn’t leave Mike alone to face him ever again.

Warmth blossomed in Mike’s chest at Peters words, at the way he tugged him even closer to his chest and at the way Sonny smiled up at him, eyes bright. He felt part of something safe, something loving, like a family. Not like his, but the way he assumed family was meant to be like from the way Sonny talked about his or from the few family sitcoms he watched. It quickly turned bitter, however, when he saw Peter lean down slightly as Sonny stretched upwards, meeting in the middle as they kissed, unbelievably wide grins on both of their faces. What was worse was Mike knew he didn’t have any right to be jealous, he and Peter had split up amicably and Sonny, well that ending was completely his fault. He had no right to either of them, and while a part of him still loved them, always would, surely that meant he should be unselfishly happy for them instead of being jealous of them both.

When they broke away, Peters hand having dropped from Mikes shoulders in the process, Mike decided to speak up again.

“I also think it’s time to move out” The get out of your way and leave you two alone was left unsaid, even if that didn’t stop Peter and Sonny from both picking up on it slightly.

“Look, I know the sofa isn’t the most comfortable, but shouldn’t you at least wait until you’re settled with your new job?” Sonny queried and Mike just nodded, disgusted in himself. Disgusted at how selfish he was, how weak. A simple sentence from Sonny and he was already justifying his actions of placing a continued burden on the man he had already hurt so much.

* * *

Peter was striding through the courthouse after a successful arraignment of what was shaping up to be a big trial when Dodds Sr. came walking purposefully towards him.

“Stone, tell my son to come back home to me. Please, don’t let him ruin his life like this”

“Dodds, you’re a man in the public sphere, I’m sure if he wants to get in contact with you he can find a way.”

“Now, Peter, I know you’re a smart kid, smart enough not to keep the Chief’s child away from him. Smart enough to realise that Mike isn’t doing what’s best for him, throwing away two job offers for some pipe dream about a bar. Did you know with his name, with his reputation after that undercover operation, he could choose whichever squad in the city to work with. And he’s throwing that opportunity, and his reputation away, and possibly yours and Sonny's too if you continue supporting this nonsense.

“We both know that Mike is hardly a child, if he wants to finally be happy and do what he wants with his life that is his right. But please, continue intimidating him and an ADA."

“You and I both know charges won’t stick, you’ll be lucky if you even get them to a grand jury”

“You might be right, but as well as luck I have the power of the press on my side. You do have such a lovely reputation, would be shame to have any sort of nasty rumours associated with it. Now, William, I believe that right now there are journalists waiting for what I have to say. This time it isn’t about you, I feel we would both prefer it if we kept it that way” Peter said, giving a curt nod before walking off pretending like his legs didn’t feel like jelly as he did.

* * *

Mike was out doing an interview at some bar that had seemed seedy to Peter but that Mike said he loved when he arrived home, meaning Sonny was the only other person in the apartment. The sound of water running alerted Peter to where he was and he sat down on the bed while he waited for Sonny to appear. Most nights he would have taken advantage of the fact that they were both home, that Sonny was already naked next door, but tonight instead of joining him all Peter did was take off his tie and jacket and wait. Tonight what he really needed was to talk to Sonny about what had happened at the courthouse, the incident that made his heart race whenever he thought about it despite the fact he hoped he had remained cool on the outside.

“Hey, babe” Sonny said, leaning down to kiss Peter but making sure not to drip on him or his suit.

“Hey, there’s something I need to talk about, about Dodds’ Sr.” Peter said, hating the fact that he was about to dampen the happy and relaxed mood Sonny was in.

“I should probably put some clothes on”

“I don’t often say this, but yes” Peter said with a slight chuckle as Sonny pulled on a faded Fordham sweater and a pair of sweatpants before sitting on the bed.

“So Dodds Sr, I’m assuming it’s not great if you’re telling me without Mike here”

“Not exactly great. He came after me in the the courthouse, started telling me I should get Mike to come back to him, made a vague threat. I, I threatened to ruin his reputation, but if he knows Mike is staying with us that already isn’t great”

“We’re going to figure this out, okay.”

“You’re not going to have to, I’ll, I’ll move out” Mike said and they both turned to see Mike behind them, leaning in the doorway.

“Mike, we’ll find a way through this” Sonny tried to reassure.

“You keep saying ‘we’, but there isn’t a we. It’s just me and you don’t need to be dragged into my problems.”

“Mike, we’re here for you, we, I promised”

“Come one, Peter. We all knew at some point I would have to leave so you could live the life you’re supposed to. So you could go off and be happy. I’d say I have to go pack, but all my stuff is in that single duffle or technically yours” Mike turned around, closing the door softly behind him and aiming for a causal air of indifference even though his heart ached with the knowledge he was turning the page on some of the happiest moments of his life with the two men he loved.

Peter and Sonny sat for a second in stunned silence, both trying to process the fact they were about to lose the man they had loved and had both been growing to love once more.

“I’ve got to go after him” Sonny said, leaping up as he ran his hands through his hair in a panic.

“Sonny, wait-”

“No, Peter, I’ve got to do this. Remember the first night he was here, when I said I’d always love no matter what. I wasn’t lying, I love you, but I just can’t, I just can’t lose Mike. Not again, not when… not when certain feelings are coming back in full force.”

“Sonny, I understand because I can’t lose him again either, and that’s why I need you to calm down before we talk to him. Because we both know Mike, and if we run out there panicked, if we don’t do this calmly and make sure he knows how much we both love him, how he isn’t a burden to us, how he never could be, then he’s going to run. And my heart can’t take missing my chance with him again either. So, take a few seconds, breathe”

Sonny just stood there before nodding, taking a few deep breaths and straightening his hair out again. Peter sighed in relief as his heart pounded widely at everything he had just said. He knew Sonny would understand, but part of him had been scared that revealing how much he cared about Mike Dodds would lead to him losing two people he loved in one day.

“Are you okay?” At Sonny's nod Peter stood up, instinctively smoothing down his shirt before opening the bedroom door to see Mikes back for a split second before the front door swung close. Sonny raced past him flinging the door open, and Peter followed, grabbing his keys from the marble kitchen counter as he went.

“Mike, wait” he could hear Sonny call out, and Peter’s heart started thumping even harder as he ran out in the corridor, relieved to see that Mike had listened and was turning around. “Mike, come inside so we can talk about this, please.”

“No, I can’t do that”

“Why not, Mike?” Peter added in.

“Because I’m weak. I’m weak and I’ll take any scrap you give me to convince myself it’s okay to stay. To convince myself it’s alright to drag you down into my world, into my problems. To convince myself that I don’t have feelings for you” Mike said his voice rising in volume before becoming incredibly quiet as he continued “To convince myself that I don’t love you, both of you. And I can’t keep clinging onto hope, or delusion that I could ever be part of the happiness you have. Not after I burned those bridges.”

“If we told you, if we told you those bridges aren’t burnt, not completely, would you come inside?” Peter asked, barely believing what Mike had just said, as if floodgates had opened and some of his true feelings had come gushing out.

“Please, Mike. Personally I’m a fan of public declarations of love, but Petey here is a bit more private on that front” Sonny said, grinning as he processed what Mike had confessed.

Mike just simply nodded and allowed himself to be led back into the apartment, as if the words he had spoken had drained him of all his energy.

“Did you mean what you were saying about those bridges not being burned” Mike asked barely allowing himself to hope that something good could be happening.

“Yes. I mean, it will take some figuring out, I don’t think any of us have done this before but, well I love Sonny but I love you too, Mike, never stopped.”

“And I love you too Peter, and you Mike, just promise me you won’t leave me like that again. Ever”

“I promise, I won’t be leaving either of you, not again. So, how do we do this?”

“I guess, like this” Sonny said, his voice dropping slightly lower and his accent becoming thicker as he walked towards Mike. He cupped his cheek in one hand, as he moved in slowly, before kissing Mike. Mike kissed back, tentatively at first, like he always did, as if he needed a few seconds before he gave himself permission to feel, to enjoy what was happening.

“That, uh that works for me as well” Peter said as they broke apart and Sonny grabbed both their hands, pulling them into the bedroom.

* * *

Peter sat in the bed with Mike next to him, lazily kissing his neck as they waited while Sonny went to grab some Chinese from around the corner.

“Hey, Mike” Peter said, needing to unburden some of the guilt he’d been carrying for years, which had only intensified when one evening Mike had pleaded for his father to forgive him before they had woken him up.

Mike just hummed in response, his focus still primarily on making sure Peter was completely marked up.

“I just want to say I’m sorry” and that got Mike to look at him, though he kept one of his hands where it was lying on Peters bare chest, satisfying his need for physical closeness.

“What for?”

“For leaving you with your dad”

“Peter…”

“No, I need to say this. I knew what was happening, a bit at least, and I knew you needed me and I still left you alone with him”

“Peter, we were just kids. It wasn’t your responsibility. Yes, there were days I wish you were there with me, but I was about to be sent off with the military, I couldn’t have expected you to wait for me. But, even though you shouldn’t feel the need to, at all, I do appreciate your apology. I- there were days I wondered if you even thought about me, or if I was an idiot for…” Mike trailed off as if he suddenly heard what he was saying and judged it as being way too revealing

“I never stopped wondering about you, and an idiot for what?” Peter said, urging him to continue, the hand carding through Mikes hair before and the soft kiss he gave Mike acting as extra encouragement.

“An idiot for thinking I meant something to you, that someone like you, well that someone like you could love me” Mike said quietly, having curled in towards Peter to hide his face as he spoke.

“I do love you, then and now” Peter said, kissing the top of Mikes head, his heart breaking slightly at how small and uncertain Mike sounded.

“And I love you too, both of you. And I brought your favourites so both of you should automatically love me” Sonny said kicking off his shoes as he walked towards them holding the two white plastic bags full of food aloft triumphantly.

Later that evening they lay curled tight around each other in the bed, both from their own desire to be close and due to necessity because of the small size of the bed. Despite the problems facing them, from the huge arrange of choices and possibilities Mike had to face, finally without the constant orders from his father, to the man himself threatening the happiness they had just found, they all felt a deep sense of peace and contentment. It was like all the puzzle pieces of their lives had clicked together and now they had each other and that made all their problems seem beatable.


End file.
